


I’ll Try to Take a Stand

by littleballofsunshyne



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Child Abuse, Child Death, Childhood Memories, Crying, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-04-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:14:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23122318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/littleballofsunshyne/pseuds/littleballofsunshyne
Summary: Life for the boys isn’t what they’d wished for but together they try to survive.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first fanfic I wrote, so feel free to leave a comment :)

Logan gets off the warm bus and onto the cold dirt path that would lead to a colder, much colder place. He had had a wonderful school day; he had learned so much. He loved learning new things, the more he learned the more he could solve. He looked forward to all the knowledge out there just waiting for him to understand.  
With a snicker and some finger guns to the bus driver, Virgil joined his older brother on the path that he wished would never end because the destination was nothing like travel. He didn’t want to reach his destination. His brother was slowly walking up the path, his dark blue eyes beaming with curiosity. Probably remembering everything he learned that day. It inspired Virgil.  
“Wouldn’t it be nice if we could just wait out here till the little guys came home and all walked in together?” Virgil said jokingly, brushing his purple faded bangs out of his eyes, but Logan heard the smallest bit of desperation Virgil was trying to cover up in the question. He sighed.  
“Although it would be nice, their bus won’t arrive here for another hour and he knows that.”  
Virgil defensively crossed his arms and pulled his hood up at this statement and Logan knew why. He was a touchy subject amongst the brothers that none of them wanted to talk about. Even thinking about him made Logan’s stomach sink.  
“You’re right,” Virgil said looking at the ground “Let’s get this over with.”  
Logan noticed that the closer they got to the house, the closer Virgil moved towards Logan. He was scared so Logan held his brother's sweaty hand to reassure him. He didn’t know if this would help but it was the best he could do since he himself was also quite scared, though he would never show it.  
They quietly opened the door, slipped their shoes off, hung their backpacks on the hooks and grabbed their homework out of their bags while trying to make no noise. If they were lucky, the adults would be asleep and they could sneak into the safety of their room. They were not. When Logan opened the mudroom door that led to the rest of the house he heard pain. Sobbing was what Logan heard, coming from the living room. Not the sobbing of a drunk mother, the sobbing of a child. His brother. It didn’t make sense for his brothers weren’t supposed to be home for another hour but he didn’t care. He ran into the living room, full of adrenaline, so concentrated he didn’t notice the outstretched arm in front of him that clotheslined him. He fell flat on his back and pain seared from his lower back all the way up to his skull. He tried to get up but the stars in his eyes were working against him, he could now hear crying and smacking.  
“Logan please,” a smooth and vile voice hissed “no running allowed in the house.”  
“Wooden spoon, now little reject! And stop shaking, you look pathetic!” he could hear his mother's command.  
Logan stood up, his sight returning to him. He looked at the scene before him: his mother was at the bar cart holding a wooden spoon which was what was causing the smacking noise. With her other hand she held down the six-year-old Patton. Thick tear tracks were on his face. Nicks and cuts were all over his face and arms. Presumably from the shattered glass all over the bar cart. Small streaks of blood were beginning to form on the back of his shirt each time the spoon slammed down. The small boy made no attempt to escape and layed there crying in exhaustion and pain. The slightly older Roman stood by his mother's side. He was holding a tray of wooden spoons, belts, and other various tools for punishment. Roman was wincing and shivering in place. He cried silently, fearing his voice may cause him to get what was happening to Patton. How dare she involve Roman in this! Lastly he looked at him. A smirk spread across his face as he watched Logan fill with anger. Virgil was nowhere to be seen and Logan assumed he was still in the mudroom, frozen with fear and probably having an anxiety attack.  
There were so many things Logan wanted to do at that moment. He wanted to punch the smirk off him, he wanted to take Patton out of his mother’s grasp, he wanted to find Virgil, he wanted to make his mother see the truth, and he wanted to comfort Roman. He went with his first instinct and lunged for Patton, it didn’t work. He pinned Logan to the wall, placing his hands over his head and against the wall. He was strong, Logan was left to just watch.

Seven years ago, it was manageable. Seven years ago, he wasn’t there. Seven years ago, Logan could stop her. Add one day to that seven years and it all came crumbling down. Logan was ten and Virgil was eight. They were finishing their homework while entertaining the twins because mom was… busy. Roman and Remus were running around chasing each other, playing pretend. Sunlight shone through the window giving Roman’s brown hair a reddish shine while specks of green playdoh streaked through Remus’. Virgil had tried to stop him but little toddler Remus refused saying:  
“De playdoh give me de magic powah!”  
The sunlight didn’t go away but when mom entered the room it felt like all the warmth evaporated.  
“Remus, what a mess! It’s bath time, follow mummy.”  
Remus left, bouncing out of the room, excitement filling his face.  
An hour later a man entered their house. He said everything is okay and that he was going to fix this, fix what? Remus never came back from bath time. No one was allowed to say his name anymore. She had killed Remus and he helped her cover it. He never left.

Virgil ran into the room pulling Logan out of the memory. Virgil didn’t even process what was going on he just said:  
“Someone’s at the door.”  
Mother dropped her wooden spoon.  
“Dee, can you get the door?”  
After saying this she collapsed on the couch and passed out. Dee let go of Logan and went to answer the door. The moment Dee left, Roman dropped the tray and started balling his eyes out. He had survived. Virgil saw the scene before him and started to hyperventilate seeing all the blood on Patton. Patton had stopped crying and just layed there. If it wasn’t for the heavy breathing, Logan might have feared he was dead. Logan immediately scooped up Patton, ignoring the glass shards and hugged him close to his chest.  
“It’s okay, I got you Pat.” Logan said, rocking him back and forth. Patton just stayed limp in his arms. Logan next went to Roman, he knelt down and brushed a hand through his messy hair. He looked over at the frozen Virgil and motioned for him to come over and help. Virgil took one deep breath than walked over. He wished he was brave like Logan but he was just too scared. He loved his brothers but sometimes his mind worked against him and he just wanted to leave, he dreamed of a normal, happy family. Every day he woke up he wished his parents would just disappear but that could never happen. He got to the huddle and embraced the shivering Roman, trying to warm his cold body with as much brotherly love as he could. It seemed to be working because Roman calmed down enough to smile. So Virgil proceeded to walk up to their room and pretended not to notice Roman gripping his hand all the way up the stairs, Logan and Patton trailing behind.  
Roman was a prince. Princes are brave, they face any and every challenge with courage and honesty. So he would never admit how he wanted to shrink up into a ball and cry for hours on end when his mother called his name. Or when Dee finally left for the night. He was not a scaredy cat. He was a brave heroic prince who just wanted to be like everyone else in his class. He learned to find comfort in the small things like holding Virgil’s hand or cuddling up to Logan as he read to them or even when he and Patton would play pretend peacefully in the bedroom. He had missed another day of school because of Patton. No, because of mom. It wasn’t Patton's fault. He began to feel guilty for thinking that way, his mom was influencing him too much. She had too much pride in Roman’s opinion and she really wants to impress Dee for some reason. As they got to the top of the stairs Roman could feel his heart beating quicker and his breaths getting shorter. He was going to have to explain to his older brothers what had happened and although he knew they were just concerned he always felt like he was being punished. Also telling them what happened meant he would have to relive that moment…  
Once Logan got to the top of the stairs they went to his bedroom that he shared with Virgil. The deep navy walls gave the room a very calming vibe. There was one queen sized bed they had to share that Logan always made sure was made before he left in the morning. He loved routines and organization. There was a small wooden desk toppling with papers and emergency snack wrappers. Although you would expect dozens of mugs there too, there wasn’t. There were two on the nightstand. Logan wasn’t that coffee dependent, yet. In the corner of the room laid an old rocking chair that their mom used to use to rock Logan to sleep in. Then Logan used to rock his siblings to sleep. He didn’t need to use it that much anymore. Only on occasion with Roman. They all got on the bed and Logan gave Patton over to Virgil to hold. The tired boy curled into his arms and Logan went to get the rubbing alcohol and bandages. He returned and began to clean up Patton, as he was doing so he asked Roman what had happened. The younger boy closed his eyes, took a shaky breath, then began.  
“After you guys left for school, I knew we had an hour until our bus came so I got ready and then went to colour for a bit. Patton struggled to put his shirt on so I went and rescued the situation.” Roman smiled heroically.  
“Good job, lil prince.” Virgil replied.  
“Then I went downstairs and asked Dee for some lunch money and he gave me five dollars. I went back upstairs and saw some star and heart stickers in the bathroom trash can. I thought that was a waste so I took them and Patton and I decorated our faces with them. Then I noticed our bus was going to be here in five minutes so we ran downstairs and were ready to leave when… heh.... Mother asked where we were going and I said to school. She said what about her breakfast, we needed to make it and Patton said we didn’t have time, we needed to catch the bus… and, you know, mother didn’t like that answer and got mad. Dee took our school bags and locked them in the closet… along with us. After a couple of cold, dark hours he let us out to make lunch for them and I tried to make a really good grilled cheese so they would forgive us but they still punished Patton. Then you guys came home.”  
Logan was mad. Although, sadly he couldn’t say he was surprised. This was normal at their house but no less disgusting. It hurt Logan to imagine his brothers locked up in the closet never knowing when they’d be let out. It upset Logan more that Roman thought he needed to satisfy the parents to get out of punishment, it was unfair and cruel. Yet, what could they do? They lived here and although it was an unpleasant place, it was the only place for them. Logan gave Roman a strong, protective, hopefully comforting hug. He tried to at least.  
Virgil continued to rock Patton in his arms even though he was fast asleep at this point. He brushed the sticky golden brown hair out of Patton's eyes and decided he was going to protect him from now on with all he had, no matter the consequences that would surely follow. He wasn’t going to let him face the same traumatic childhood he had. He was going to try and make his brothers childhood as good and fun as it could be in this dumpster fire of a life they survived in. He then realized that he wanted to protect all his brothers even his older brother Logan no matter how silly it sounded. He loved them all. From now on no more hiding and panicking, Virgil was going to take a stand.


	2. Rocking Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman gets nightmare, Logan uses rocking chair, it was very effective.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is not becoming a series, I guess you could call it a bonus! Please feel free to leave a comment and remember to stay safe during these difficult times.

Roman had brushed his teeth, put on the nightlight, and grabbed a glass of water for his nightstand. He looked in the mirror, for a prince has got to slay even if it’s bedtime. His reddish-brown hair was smoothly brushed under the hood of his Disney onesie. It was a raggedy Simba one he wore a lot cause he LOVED Disney. His older brothers were in bed probably working or doing teen stuff while his little brother Patton was sitting in his crib waiting for Roman to turn off the lights so they could sleep. Now you may be wondering why Patton was sleeping in a crib, he was six years old. His parents haven’t gotten around to the problem yet, and Roman didn’t think they ever would. Patton had filled the crib with so many pillows, blankets, and stuffed animals you would’ve thought it was a playpen. He had also put a stack of books by the crib so he could climb in, Roman credited him, it was smart. Patton pulled Roman out of his thoughts.  
“Can we go to bed now, what’s taking so long?”  
“Uhh… sorry…” Excuses, what excuse could he use this time? “I’m hungry, too hungry to sleep right now.”  
“I am too, wish we could’ve had supper…”  
“Let’s go get some then!” Roman exclaimed.  
Patton looked at him with big blue eyes that matched well with his stitch onesie, his freckles glimmering in the nightlights hue. He smiled and leaped out of the crib, gripping his brother's hand as they left their room. Together they turned to the door beside theirs and knocked. There was an eerie quiet as they waited, then the door slowly opened and Virgil’s head peeked out to see who was there, he smiled when he noticed it was his brothers and let them come in. As they entered, Logan looked confused. He was sitting at his desk writing presumably his homework although it was all spread out and the papers looked like they were waiting for the best moment to fall and fly everywhere. Roman was sure if he breathed too hard they would go everywhere. Logan spoke up.  
“Aren’t you two supposed to be sleeping right now? You do know it’s past your bedtime, right? Why are you here?”  
“We’re hungry,” Patton said plainly “Can we have food?”  
“I mean, it would have been better to have asked earlier. Eating before bed is not the best for you, it’s hard to fall asleep but going to bed hungry could also keep you awake at night. So I guess there is no perfect solution at this moment. Yes, I’ll get you a snack.”  
Logan proceeded to open his desk drawer. It was full of granola bars that the brothers would take when they were not fed meals or just hungry and too nervous to ask for seconds at mealtime. He handed Roman and Patton each one. Then feeling a bit hungry himself he took one and gave another to Virgil who was sitting on the edge of the bed with Patton on one knee and Roman on the other. Logan went back to doing his work as his brothers ate. Once they were done they seemed to be lingering around, not leaving.  
“Okay, it’s time to go to bed now,” Logan stated and Roman frowned.  
“Only if you can catch us!” Patton said and grabbed Roman’s hand, they ran around the room and hid under the bed, laughing. Logan sighed and looked at Virgil who knew what to do. Virgil got off the bed and paced the room.  
“Now where could they have gone… to the closet that leads to Narnia?”  
He dramatically opened the closet and shut it.  
“Nope, what about the mirror that teleports you to a fairy kingdom?”  
Virgil waves in the mirror.  
“Can’t see them,” He gasps “They couldn’t be, could they Logan?”  
Logan plays along.  
“Oh no, I sure hope not.”  
“They’re under the bed that is filled with monsters!”  
After hearing that, Patton screamed and ran from under the bed right into Virgil's arms, dragging Roman with him. Virgil scooped them, one into each arm.  
“Gotcha ya, now it is time to sleep.”  
“Does the closet really lead to Narnia?” Patton asked.  
“You’ll have to find out tomorrow,” Virgil replied.  
Virgil carried them to their room with Logan following them to make sure they couldn’t escape. They giggled and tried to squirm out of his arms but he was too strong for them. Virgil put them on Roman’s bed and collapsed beside them smiling.  
“Man you guys are getting heavy!"  
Logan stood by the door and Patton waved him over to sit with them.  
“Can you read us a story?” Patton used his puppy-dog eyes, it was effective “Please?”  
Logan smiled then went to the bookshelf and grabbed a book then joined them on the bed. Roman was sitting on his right, Patton was on his left, and Virgil was next to Patton. They all cuddled together and went quiet as Logan began.  
“Once there was a boy who wanted to be a prince.”  
“Like me!” Roman chimed in.  
“Yeah,” Logan responded then continued. “But he was a servant who worked for the prince. He wished that he could fight monsters like the prince, wear crowns like a prince, be adored like the prince, and save the princess but he didn’t.”  
“What princess?” Patton questioned, “Is there only one in the kingdom?”  
“It’s a mystery that we’ve always wondered.” Virgil teased.  
“What do you think?” Logan asked.  
“Well,” Patton yawned, his eyes fluttering shut and he sunk deeper into Virgil’s side “she would be so lonely… if… yeah..” Patton trailed off and didn’t finish so Logan read on knowing Roman was still wide awake and invested.  
“He cleaned the prince's armour like a slave, fed him meals like a slave, cleaned his room like a slave, and was not well known. This made him sad. Why couldn’t he be a prince too? So he followed the prince and did what he did. He acted like the prince, dressed like the prince, and people began to treat him like a prince. He was such a believable prince that the people made him a prince! But he was still sad.”  
Roman cut in, “Wait, what do you mean he is still sad! He is a prince, his dream came true!”   
“It was because he knew that he was fake. He was pretending to be someone else, he didn’t earn his title as a prince. It was fake and he wanted to be himself again, do what he wanted to do.”  
Roman seemed to be in deep thought, at least as deep a thought a ten-year-old can have.  
“So he did. And to his great surprise, the people kept him as a prince. He was a different prince but the people liked that, he was the prince who understood what it was like to be a slave and could relate to others. The kingdom had two amazing princes.”  
Logan closed the book and let that sink in, as he did he looked around the room. It was painted in a nice cheery yellow colour with those glow-in-the-dark stars plastered all over the ceiling. The walls were covered with the artwork they had done on their small table and chair set. The treasure chest was at the end of Roman’s bed and was supposed to be filled with toys but instead, the toys were scattered all over the room. Logan's eyes landed upon the dresser. It was still in the same spot as it was when he lived in the room, right under the windowsill. Logan used to climb atop the dresser and sneak out the window onto the roof. He would take a blanket with him and stargaze when he got frustrated or punished and wanted alone time. He never told his brothers about this because of safety first and such. Definitely not because it was his thing or something like that. Roman was thinking about something but Logan could tell that exhaustion was sinking in for him. He was fidgeting with the cuffs of his onesie which was probably why they were so worn out. Patton was fast asleep and nestled into Virgil's side. The hood of his blue onesie completely covered his face. Virgil had taken Patton’s glasses off and was starting to look sleepy himself. They were all cuddled into each other and Logan thought this must be what normal families do. He liked this peaceful happiness. He wished he could just stay here and all fall asleep together but they couldn’t. So he slowly stood up and put the book away. Virgil stretched and put Patton in the crib, tucking him in. Roman crawled his way into bed and dreaded as his brothers headed towards the door. He wanted to say something but he didn’t want to come off as scared or needy so he just watched as they left the room, turned the lights off and waved while finally, the door closed.  
Darkness, he was in darkness, besides the nightlight of course. He looked out the window and realized that the dark blue hue had turned black. It was definitely time for him to sleep. He wished to dream of a flower field or a kingdom but his mind didn’t always work in his favour.  
Red. The kingdom was in chaos. Something had attacked them at night and stole the damsel! It was up to Prince Roman to save the day. Green. He got his servant to come with him, taking all the things Roman would need for battle. Roman didn’t know where to go so he went to the sorcerer for advice. Blue. The sorcerer said the witch and the dragon attacked the kingdom and have taken the damsel to the dark cave. Purple. Prince Roman chooses his favourite knight to accompany him on the journey. They travel to the dark cave and there they see their enemy. Orange. The witch hides behind her dragon, holding the damsel as a shield. Roman sends his knight to distract the dragon as he goes for the witch. Her eyes glow with evil and scare Roman making him trip and lose his shield. Now he only has his sword. He gets up and continues the fight. He defeats the witch. Aqua. The damsel runs into the prince's arms crying tears of joy and calls him a hero. Yellow. The dragon is too strong for the knight alone. The prince sends the damsel to the servant's care as he joins the fight. Together they destroy the dragon and Prince Roman feels proud but he does not see the dying dragon that is about to collapse on him. The servant runs and pushes his prince out of the way to safety but in return, he gets crushed by the dragon. The prince runs to his servant’s aid, panicking. The servant is dead and he is making bubbling noises. The servants in a bath, dead. The servants in a bath, drowning. Remus in a bath, dead. Remus in a bath, drowning. Remus in a bath, drowning, dead, full of wine. Remus, brother, twin, loved, friend, happiness, gone. Goodbye. Dark. Tears. Scary. Lonely. Awake.  
Roman awoke, tears streamed down his cheeks and soaked into his pillow. Apparently, he had tossed and turned in his sleep so much his blankets were on the floor. He stayed in his bed looking at the roof, scared, shivering, and silently crying. He had had another nightmare and no matter how many he had they always unsettled him and he never got comfortable with them.   
He decided that he couldn’t go back to sleep so he’d explore. He crawled out of bed and snuck out of the room. The light to his brother's room was still on but he wasn’t sure if he should disturb them since they thought he was asleep. He crept up to the door and put his ear to it, listening in. He couldn’t hear anything except the scratching of a pencil at a desk so he guessed Virgil was asleep and Logan was working. He slowly opened the door and peeked in. His assumption was correct. Virgil was asleep in a big purple weighted blanket and Logan was at his desk lit by a small lamp. He looked very tired but determined to finish. His hair was pushed back and he had taken his glasses off but put them back on when he heard the door open.  
Logan had been working really late and really should be sleeping, however, he was very determined to finish the last page of work before tomorrow. He had just finished and was editing it when he heard the door creak open but he couldn’t see without his glasses so he picked them up and slowly his vision focused on Roman. What was he doing awake? Oh no, not again. Yes, again. The tears running down his face proved it. He had had another nightmare. Logan got up from his desk and scooped up Roman, rocking him back and forth.  
“Roman, what happened?” Logan asked even though he already knew.  
“I- you- it… Re-Remus,” Roman cried out. “I want Remus back… why does life suck!”  
“We all miss Remus but he can’t come back, you know that.” Logan walked to Roman’s room as he answered. Then he sat on the rocking chair with Roman in his lap. He used this chair a lot when Roman got nightmares. It always helped him calm down and sleep again. He knew how much the nightmares bothered Roman and wished he could take them from him even if Logan himself had to live through them but he knew that’s not how it worked. So he did what he knew, he rocked back and forth and hummed the song Recipe For Me. His mother always used this song with him and he used it with Roman and hoped it gave him a similar sense of peace.  
“Thanks, Logan, sorry about all this. I didn’t mean to freak out again.”  
“Roman, you don’t have to apologize for reacting as a normal person would to something they can’t control. I’ll always be here for you and I’ll never be annoyed to help you, okay?”  
“Yeah, okay.” Roman smiled. No more excuses, he was safe. He had Logan to help him fight the nightmares.


End file.
